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Category Archives: Blog

Building Emotional Intelligence

A poem for this evening.  We can often feel disconnected from our heart, our purpose, and our sense of belonging.  Invoking a sense of emotional purpose and connection is often accomplished through stories, poems, and art.  Here is one I enjoyed recently.  To access the resource, either read aloud, read with your eyes, or to experience depth of richness and nurturing, have a trusted other read aloud to you.  



May you be powerfully loving and lovingly powerful; may you always have love be your guide with your family and friends and colleagues, remember to listen carefully to your own heart and the heart of others.

May you have the courage to always follow your dreams, take an action everyday to support your life’s dream, your love nature and your integrity.

May you have the strength to overcome fear and pride, and instead follow what has heart meaning for you.

May you be guardians of truth, beauty, creativity, and laughter.

May you protect, preserve, and care for Mother Nature and the wilderness.

May you show respect to all people and all ages and all races and help all living things keep their dignity.

May you help make a better world for the poor, the sick, the elderly, and other children.  be an active, committed, and positive force in your community.

May you value and maintain your health and the health and well-being of others.

May you respect all the ways humans access their own spirituality.

May you create a global community committed to peace and non violence.

May you keep learning, asking questions, exploring, discovering, and always maintaining curiosity and hope.

May you honor and respect diversity and the beauty and magic that occurs when differences join to create something far greater than one could imagine.

May you constantly bring your gifts and talents forward everyday without hesitation or reservation.

May you honor your ancestors and all those who have gone before you for they have paved the way for you to do what you are here to do.

May butterflies remind you of your soul’s beauty and the exquisite contribution that your presence makes in the world everyday.


Poem taken from Building Emotional Intelligence by Linda Lantieri, with introduction by Daniel Goleman.  


“I’m sorry I’m such a fuckup:” Or, Speaking Shame

“I’m sorry I’m such a fuckup.”

Immediately, my heart broke and my head boiled over. I got simultaneously warm and frozen for just a moment as my system attempted to reconcile the dissonance of my own feelings around this transfer and my clients experience of herself in that moment.

At that moment, receiving the news that after trying for almost a week to find a placement, one had been found and was happening soon, I was feeling cautiously optimistic. I wasn’t over the moon elated, but if I was ever going to work with this client again, this treatment stage was a necessary step.  I was excited, even relieved that rather than dying, this client was now in range to work intensively on herself, with structure and containment not possible in outpatient work. I was having an experience of clarity: this was happening, and I was accepting and hopeful. I was breathing a sigh of relief that the sturm and drang of living on this planet, in this reality, given the constraints and circumstances, was going to continue for this client, instead of ending in suicide as we had both expected.

I’m sorry I’m such a fuckup.

Do you hear those words? Do you hear them in your skull? Are they landing in your wiring, and are they sticking?

I’m sorry I’m such a fuckup.


Ok, that’s not true. That’s my shame talking. This is actually the start of ALL my work with clients in our work together. This is the ground floor, and we return here often because this shame core was built long ago, and still has its run when we are overwhelmed and uncontained.

This is what I can offer: I still have my perceptions, which are (there but for the grace of god go I) not in alignment with this clients perception at this given moment. I breathed slowly, connecting to the part of myself that remembers to breathe every now and again before reacting, and wrote the following in about 30 seconds. These messages always come in flashes, and exit through my fingers quickly.

“Everyone needs to go to the hospital every now and again.

Doesn’t mean you’re a fuckup…in fact it doesn’t mean anything about you as a person unless you make it mean that. More often, it’s an indication that what was happening before admission wasn’t working. Just a course correction…not the end of the world. A higher level of care is just that…a higher level of care…it is temporary, value neutral, and a stable platform to build your own on.

If you want to use it to make yourself bad and wrong…that’s your business. I’m not seeing it that way, and I want to invite you to join me. Take this seriously, but don’t take it personally. It’s a subtle shift, but an important one. You’re going to kick butt.”

What did I do here? I want to unpack this, because it connects to something REALLY important to me and how I work as a therapist and human. I don’t fear that you will steal my work, or that somehow by telling you what I did it diminishes the value or impact. To cloud therapy in mystery, theory, and method is to miss what I strive for: a firm grasp on the obvious and full transparency.

So here’s the obvious: my client was expressing shame. Her apology: “I’m sorry I’m such a fuckup,” is not an apology at all, but a merely an indicator to me that in that moment, she had crossed over into her shame core, and that required something of me.

Here’s the other obvious thing: what I had to do in that moment in order to respond, rather than react, was to not feel shame myself. I had to get bigger, so that I could offer her that. Offer is all I can do…feel it myself, and offer it as an option. Even if it isn’t taken, it’s my primary directive to offer. Here’s the transparency: I’ve felt no shortage of reactivity around this situation.  I’m human – I get to react.  However, as a therapist, I have a job to transcend that reactivity before responding to my clients.

Shame sucks. Literally. It sucks the action out of us and pulls us into paralysis and isolation. My client had just kicked ass and took names: She had successfully responded to her own suicidality by seeking hospitalization, had been compliant while there, communicated with me throughout, and advocated for herself and found a placement that was going to work with her insurance. That’s amazing!

So here’s my job in therapy…it’s one I do better than some and not as great as others, I’m sure. I can promise you that I will never react out of my own shame. I may (will) make a lot of mistakes, and may (will) not always look polished. What I can commit to, with body and soul, is to speak from the place in me that sees all things as temporary, no matter how long they last. Your behaviors, your reactions, your coping tools, your patterns…they are all neutral in my book. I’m so glad you have all of them, and I would never be so rude as to assume they ARE you. You contain them, and you can change your relationship to them.

Thank you for being honest. When you say “I’m sorry I’m such a fuckup” to me, I honor that voice, invite it in, and then respectfully offer my own voice because I don’t have to agree with you to love you. You may look like only a fuckup to yourself right now, but I see the rest of you when you can’t because shame is blocking your light. That’s my job, and I’m committed to it.

For more information and shame, please pick up a copy of Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. It’s required reading for humans.

Sculpting The Healer Within

When dealing with trauma, there has been a push since before i was a therapist to get in touch with one’s inner child. From encounter groups, to depth work within psychotherapy, trauma survivors are encouraged to connect to their inner child as a way to heal.  This work has always felt hollow to me. In fact, it pisses me off when I myself (as a client) am invited in sessions to imagine how old my inner child is around a particular issue, and imagine holding her, playing with her, interacting with her as I would. I’m an only child. I literally don’t know what that means…to interact with a child as I would. Left to my own devices, even my 31-year-old self is hopelessly overwhelmed when this enactment is invited.  For me, this particular overwhelm switches quickly to frustration and resentment, and a really strong “I DON’T KNOW STOP ASKING ME!” rebellious voice crops up.

In my reading a few weeks ago, I finally formed the first round of an answer around my resistance.  I had been missing a polarity that had been present all along…that I’m sure my colleagues were more in touch with, but one that is mostly new to me.  I wanted to take some time today to share what I’ve learned, and what I’ve created myself.

The healer. The child within is lost without the healer within.

Adapted from A Gentle Path Through the 12 steps by Patrick Carnes, the following is a working explanation of how the healer and the child within complement and interact metaphorically.

What healers do:  Healers mobilize belief. They tap those sources of energy that have not been available to individuals by themselves.

What your healer within does: It teaches you to trust your intuition and to believe in yourself.

What your child within does: It preserves your sense of childlike innocence.

What healers do:  Healers release energy. With enthusiasm or charisma, they are a catalyst and motivating force.

What your healer within does: It gathers energy that allows you to mobilize.

What your child within does: It releases the energy in play.

What healers do: They make sense out of chaos.

What your healer within does:  It protects you from the chaos by creating boundaries.

What your child within does:  It allows you to live in safety.

What healers do:  Healers provide wisdom.

What your healer within does:  It accesses your own wisdom. Common ways I’ve seen this wisdom accessed are through journaling, meditation, imagining solutions, and in session within an enactment.

What your child within does: It allows you to seek guidance and consultation.

What healers do: They convene community. They bind others in community by uniting people with a feeling of belonging.

What your healer within does:  It gives you confidence to build community by organizing, participating, or reaching out.

What your child within does: It affirms your need to belong in communities.

What healers do:  healers use symbols and metaphors to teach and help others understand.

What your healer within does:  It raises awareness of symbols and metaphors and helps you make the connections and understand the analogies.

What your child within does:  It frees you to inherit the metaphors, symbols, and understanding.

What healers do:  Healers are the storytellers.  By preserving traditions, they anchor individuals in their community and place in history.

What your healer within does:  It acknowledges your story, your epoch, and your place in history.

What your child within does:  It gets to be the hero of the story.

What healers do:  Healers provide care.

What your healer within does:  It nurtures the self.

What your child within does:  It accepts the nurturing.

What healers do:  Healers channel the spiritual.

What your healer within does:  It provides you access to the spiritual – the presence of something larger than you.

What your child within does:  It grounds you to be present to the world and to emotions. being present is a spiritual act, as it connects you to the larger whole…now.

What healers do:  Healers lead the collective process.

What the healer within does:  It becomes a partner, a participant, in the process.

What the child within does:  It allows you to be vulnerable and to surrender to the process.

What healers do:  Often (always…all humans living in this universe have wounds) healers are wounded themselves.  Healing their own brokenness gave them the wisdom to heal others.

What the healer within does:  It attends and heals your wounds and brokenness.

What the child within does:  It opens you to acknowledge your own suffering and admit your own pain.

What healers do:  Healers witness the truth.

What your healer within does:  It discerns truth and recognizes falsehood for what it is.

What your child within does:  It speaks and lives the truth.

When I started cultivating my own healer within, a new working theory and tool for my work with for complex trauma arose.  In the many cases where neglect, abandonment, and households that were less than nurturing disrupted attachment to a trusted other, complex trauma can develop.  In the room, I can invite all the inner child work, but if I’m not also pushing my clients to cultivate their own healer archetype, their inner children get left behind:  abandoned again, left to fend for themselves in a world that overwhelms their capacity to respond with agency and inclusive compassion. In cases where the primary wound is being too responsible too early for adults health, safety, and/or emotional state (i.e. for a mentally ill parent, experiences of sibling molest, or living with a narcissist/codependent pairing or attachment figures), the wise old woman, the crone the healer, the conjured, the maker of magic, the wolf woman who pours over the bones, the healer is essential because the inner child doesn’t trust the mother archetype. She needs magic, she needs a 3rd eye view that matches what she needed to survive her childhood…she needs to tap into the field of vision that sees beyond the circumstances at hand to the possibility that other options exist, and allow that child to hold on for dear life. While the child holds on, the healer looks fondly with grandparent eyes, her presence and flow of non-attached love allowing the child to receive the complete acceptance and trust that has been missing.

The healer is strong enough for this work. The internal mother often is not if abuse and neglect happened around the primary attachment figures, and the child will fall into resentment around needing to hold up the world again. Give your clients someone worthy of otherworldly trust by inviting them to flesh out their healer. One resource that I’ve found particularly resonant is Women Who Run With the Wolves by mythologist Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  Trust the healer and child archetypes will find each other in each client, providing a gentle nudge of direction if it feels right to you. Tap into your own healer archetype to start the journey.  Watch as your inner healer pours over your own bones, which contain all the elements of new life.  Enjoy!

A word of note:  I chose to use (mostly) feminine pronouns here.  The healer and child are not attached to either gender or sex, and the pronouns used here were the ones that arose out of my own experience.  I invite you to create your own from your own imagination, and see what images and identities form.

Is Christian Grey a Sex Addict?

Rob Weiss and the staff at Sexual Recovery Institute (SRI) give thoughtful, succinct consideration to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon.

Original Post

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ve likely heard about the new adult fiction trilogy that’s currently sweeping the nation, called “Fifty Shades” by E.L. James. Briefly, the series is about the relationship between a innocent recent college grad, Anastasia Steele, and billionaire playboy, Christian Grey. When Anastasia meets Christian she is a sheltered virgin. Christian not only takes her virginity, but introduces her to a world most of us have only heard rumors about — bondage and discipline.

Before Anastasia, Christian lived in his life believing sex was about possession and pain, not love. However, at least for Christian, it was always about pleasure. As the tale progresses and Anastasia becomes tormented between her love for Christian and her reluctance to adapt completely to his sexual proclivities, we watch Christian learn how to compromise his need for truly kinky sex in order to get his girl.

Like the “Sookie Stackhouse” and “Harry Potter” series before it, “Fifty Shades” has something to teach close-minded American adults about letting lose and truly thinking outside the box. But, what’s the message? Is E.L. James offering a glimpse into the life of someone suffering from a mental disorder, such as sex addiction, or is she, instead, teaching us that sex outside the missionary position can still be considered “normal”?

Let’s face it, if Sookie and Harry were real people and you ran into them on the street, you would likely give them both a wide berth. One of them thinks she has been blessed with the ability to read other people’s thoughts and spends her days cavorting with dead people. The other thinks he has a bit of immortality and is friendly with giants and trolls. Both exhibit signs of hallucinations and delusions of grander, bordering on schizophrenia. But, if Christian Grey lived next door to you would you think of him as mentally ill as well?

Between Tiger Woods, Anthony Weiner, and all the other cheating husbands who have made headlines in recent years, Americans now believe that any guy who likes sex, has multiple sex partners or engages in “deviant” behavior (such as tweeting a picture of his weenis), they must be a sex addict. This is just not true. Sex addiction is a very real and debilitating illness, don’t get me wrong. And both Tiger and Anthony may really be addicts — who knows? But in reality, very few people really have the disease and it takes more than a few weeks in rehab to recover from it.

Christian Grey isn’t a sex addict. He just likes a type of sex that is outside both the mainstream and the comfort level of the majority of Americans. That is not to say that he doesn’t have problems — he is seeing a therapist after all. But those problems have more to do with his childhood than his sexual appetites.

The problem with labels is that they are based on the thinking of beings who are still evolving, both intellectually and morally. Twenty or thirty years ago homosexuality was considered a deviant behavior. Now, most of us consider it just another type of “normal”. In most societies, “normal” is dictated by a mixture of culture, religion and law. “Abnormal” (including sex addiction) includes behavior that is not practiced by the majority of members but that also causes some sort of mental, physical or social problem. And this is how Christian Grey avoids the label sex addict and stays just-this-side of “normal”- his sexual appetites may be in the minority but he is healthy (both physically and, arguably, mentally), wildly successful in business, and can even quickly modulate his behavior to conform to the wishes of those most important to him. I think we all could use one or two of his “Fifty Shades” in our own lives.

All ideas contained in this post are the unique intellectual property of SRI and its affiliated individuals.  For more information about this organization, visit their website.  To view other postings, visit their blog.  

Sex Addiction Deniers: What Makes Them So Mad?

Author:  Linda Hatch, Ph.D.  

Original Article 

The mere idea of “sex addiction” gets a lot of people angry.  I’m talking here about the writers who rail about the “myth” of sexual addiction and who argue that the whole idea of sex addiction is just a cop-out for the addict and a money making scam for the professionals.

The anatomy of a sex addiction denier

I prefer to see these “deniers,” as I call them, as a part of a larger societal pattern and one that is worthy of study in its own right.

Currently the opposition to the concept of sex addiction comes in two main flavors.

1.  Sex addiction is really just normal behavior.

These men and women have a defensive reaction to the whole field of sex addiction treatment as an attempt to restrain normal sexual freedoms.  Sometimes their blogs and online commentary seem to be jokingly, (nervously?) defending behavior around which they have some unacknowledged shame.  The message is “we all do it and you just think it is ‘sick’ because you are so uptight!”  This is an uninformed bias that seems to resist logic.

2.  Sex addiction is really just irresponsible behavior.

This argument comes from all quarters including some in the scientific community.  It minimizes the seriousness of the problem and the suffering it can cause, and the message is often “you so-called addicts are just behaving badly and you need to take responsibility and shape up!”

This second argument sometimes takes the form that “if sex can be an addiction then anything can,” or “if we let people off by calling it a disease then there’s a slippery slope which will lead to nobody ever taking any responsibility for anything.” (OMG!)

Both of these arguments have the net effect of saying that we shouldn’t medicalize the issue of sexually compulsive behavior and therefore that we shouldn’t actually do anything about it.  See the New York Times Op-Ed for an excellent discussion.

We need to understand the deniers, not condemn them

“Deniers” have always existed in relation to almost every unwelcome phenomenon that has emerged throughout history.  Sometimes they have taken a socially acceptable position which conforms to religious or other dogma and have acted accordingly, as in burning heretics or imprisoning the mentally ill.  In other cases they have simply veered off into crazy-sounding conspiracy theories such as that the 9/11 terrorist attacks were really a government plot or that the holocaust never happened.

These are elaborate attempts to explain or deal with something that is experienced as incomprehensible or intolerable.  In this regard they are all defense mechanisms and nowhere more obviously so than in the area of sexual addiction.

Sex addiction deniers are trudging a road well traveled in earlier eras by those who wished to defend themselves against a trend or theory that they found very threatening.  This is especially true in recent history in the evolution of the disease model of mental health. It has been very gradually that the “deadly sins” have been recast as very human psychological afflictions.

Fear and loathing as a developmental phase

Because I believe sex addiction deniers are genuinely reacting to some unconscious fear, I think professionals cannot dismiss them but rather need to understand them.  If we don’t they won’t go away and will keep confusing the public and getting in the way in much the same way that global warming deniers get in the way of protecting the biosphere.

As the superstitions and fears surrounding a social ill begin to dissipate, the issue moves through a predictable sequence in public awareness from demonization to criminalization to medicalizationto reintegration.  First the problem, say alcoholism, is a moral failing, then it’s a legal problem, then a medical disease, and finally a larger societal or public health issue.

Leaving aside the issue of illegal sexual behavior, this mans that society’s current approach to sexual addiction is moving beyond demonization and criminalization but has not yet reached medicalization.  This transition to full medicalization will mean the evolution of awareness. This involves dispelling fears, confronting judgmental attitudes, and persuading people to suspend those judgments.  It is up to us to patiently explain.

The information contained in this post is the intellectual property of Dr. Linda Hatch, Ph.D.

Online and Telephone Support Forums For Sex Addicts and Their Partners

One of the things you will find on my site is a list of self-help resources for various concerns.  Recently, a colleague of mine compiled some information I have been meaning to for sex addicts and their (past and present) partners.  I have reproduced Bill Herrings’  posting about the different support options available that go beyond the in-person 12-Step meeting.  I highly recommend  poking around his blog for a wealth of helpful articles and information.

Submitted by Bill Herring on Sun, 2012-08-05 22:34

People whose lives have suffered because of the ravages of misguided sexual desire often find themselves emotionally isolated from others due to their shame and the fear that others will not fully be able to comprehend what kind of support is truly helpful.  This is just as true (and sometimes even more so) for the partner of a person who has repeatedly engaged in deceptive sexual behavior.

The opportunity to benefit from the shared experience of others in a similar situation is invaluable.  Nobody understands a problem better than somebody who has walked a similar path.  Family, friends, therapists and others may all have something to offer, but each have their own limitations.  Truly mutual help offers a benefit unobtainable anywhere else.

This is why support groups can be so very helpful.  For issues related to repeated sexual loss of self-control, 12-step groups are a primary resource for the “experience, strength and hope” that are available there.  I encourage anyone who is reluctant to attend a 12-step group to read my article “12 Step Groups: Twelve Objections and Twelve Responses.”  I also suggest to people who are planning to attend such a meeting for the first time that it’s far better to listen for at least one message that may be helpful rather than using some aspect of the experience that is less than useful as a reason to not return.  Anyone can find something to not like about a 12-step meeting, but extracting something extremely valuable is like panning for gold: the effort is ultimately highly rewarding.

However, for a variety of reasons a person may not be able (or may not choose) to attend a support group in person.  The good news is that there are many online and telephone versions of support groups that are easily available to anyone, no matter where they are in the world.  I encourage anyone suffering from the pain, isolation and confusion that accompanies sex addiction and related problems to give any of these a try.

  • Sex Addiction Support Group – This forum is located at SupportGroups.com, whose mission is “providing concise, up-to-date information and a meeting place for individuals, their friends and families, and professionals who offer pathways to help.
  • Reddit NoFap – this is a forum specifically to help people break the cycle of compulsive masturbation to porn (i.e. “fapping”).  Unlike any other venue, this community utilzes unique, often earthy and frequenty funny jargon,  and has an atmosphere and attitude that is often missing anywhere else.  “Whether your goal is to casually participate in a NoFap week or monthly challenge as a test of self control, or if fapping has become an addictive problem in your life and you want to quit for a longer period of time, you will find a home and friends here.”
  • Through the Flame, “the only International online support network for those affected by ponography addiction”.
  • COSA telemeetings – online meetings for COSA, which is a 12-step “recovery program for men and women whose lives have been affected by someone’s compulsive sexual beahvior.”
  • Sex Addict Codies – a support forum hosted at the Junkie’s Wives Club, whose motto is “We’re all here because we’re not all there.”  Note: this forum requires a simple registration.
  • Marriage and Family — a Blazing Grace Christian forum (see description above), populated by both addicts and partners.
  • Sisterhood of Support – a fee-based online support group for spouses and partners of sex addicts, hosted by MarriedToASexAddict.com.

Note: there are also many for-pay online support and therapy groups that are not listed here.  The forums on this page are free (with the exception of “Sisterhood of Support” which has a modest cost and is included here because of its value).

It is worth emphasizing that support forums are only representative of the people who are on them, so that the quality and extent of support and guidance can vary from group to group and time to time.  Most forums have far more readers than contributors.  Even without joining into any discussions, the wide variety of topics covered by these sites can be very useful to anyone desiring more information and understanding about this complex problem, and they are excellent places to ask questions that may not be able to be addressed almost anywhere else.

I encourage anyone who has information about additional online and telephone support forums to contact me so that I can include them here.

Remember, addiction and despair breed in isolation, while recovery and hope thrive in connection.

Note:  The information reproduced in this post is the intellectual property of Bill Herring, LCSW, CSAT.  

Daily Meditation

A Dream and Faith

I will take stock of my life today. I will do some small thing to make my day a little bit more beautiful and positive. I only need to do a little better. I don’t need to reach for the moon or to become perfect. If I don’t hold a good dream for myself and this world, who will? It is up to me as much as anyone else. If I don’t have faith in humanity, who will? It is my responsibility to help God. My spirituality and my inner relationship with soul guide me. They show me daily where to look to see light. They let me know that my efforts are worthwhile. I will dream a little dream today. I will think up something – some good work, whether it be planting a tree or helping to build a program. I will make a contribution. Rather than complain about what isn’t here that I want, I will take steps to create it.

I will plant a garden.

All we need to begin with is a dream that we can do better than before. All we need to have is faith, and that dream will come true. All we need to do is act, and the time for action is now.
Carl Sandburg

Daily Meditation


Pretending that painful or negative feelings do not exist doesn’t keep relationships more intimate. It can even create inner distance when I act as if the intimate relationship is not strong enough to hold pain, anger or hate. Powerful feelings can be frightening, but denying their presence keeps me from deeper layers of self. When my intimate relationships are able to hold the powerful, paradoxical feelings of love and hate, anger and forgiveness, something deep within me can relax and let go. If they are not able to do this, I need to withdraw from the relationship in order to be myself.

I can hold angst.

In this era of self-understanding and conscious efforts at parenting, we learn we should not come down to our children’s level. That is, we should not be as hateful toward them as they are to us. Yet, if we seal ourselves off they are cheated and burdened by the illusion that anger and hatred are personally inappropriate. Therapists are like parents. When the therapist comes down to their level, both grow from it when the generation gap is reestablished.
David V. Keith

Daily Meditation

An Attitude of Healing

It was Viktor E. Frankl who said that the only thing that we have that cannot be taken away from us are our attitudes, the contents of our minds and hearts. Today, more than ever, we are called upon to take an attitude that will promote wellness and healing, to choose life. When I take responsibility for the contents of my mind and heart, I take my place as a person of value to society. Quantum physics tells me that we are all part of the same particle mass, interconnected, of one stuff or soul. Who I am from within affects all that is without.

One very practical thing that I can do for my world is to think positively about it. I can attempt to live a more conscious life. Each person who transforms within, who enters into this struggle toward a more conscious life brings others with them.

I will live consciously today.

and if i ever touched a life. i hope that life knows, that i know, that touching war is and always will be the only true revolution.
nikki giovanni

Daily Meditation


The internal position of surrender is a recognition that I am not in control of every event or circumstance of my life. It is a chosen sense of powerlessness, it frees me from my illusion of control. The take-charge person knows how to work with the natural flow of events and personalities in order to accomplish something; letting providence and individual creativity play a role. The controlling person attempts to manipulate people and situations to conform to her idea of what is right. This person shuts down the creative possibilities.

I let go and let God.

The concept of surrender runs contrary to the Westernmind. We have been taught to aggressively go after what we want, to make things happen. But surrender asks us to allow events to unfold at their own pace, to get out of our own way and to let go of our desire for control. Surrender is an act of trust in the universe, an acknowledgment that there are forces beyond our own will at work. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you don’t set any condition.
Arthur Rubenstein